I'm a narcissist looking for options

by k

I'm sure I'm a narcissist. The thought process matches mine, but I'm not sure about the lack of empathy part. For me, empathy is the act of putting myself in someone else's position and then feeling sad for myself. This is something I do naturally, so something like a sad movie or book will always make me emotional. The problem in dealing with other people is my self-centeredness. Often the empathy does not make itself useful because I am so focused on myself that I will not take the time to understand somebody else's feelings unless they are obvious. When they are obvious, my ego still has to come first. If there is a conflict I do not admit that I am wrong or apologize, because my ego is the most important thing. There is a part of me that feels guilty for the impact I have on other people's lives. Or it's an anxiety over doing something that has been engraved in my mind as morally "wrong". I also have an extremely anxious personality. I think it might have had a part in me not being able to develop confidence for my real self and developing a narcissistic personality. I often think about suicide because i feel very powerless and emotionally unfulfilled. I've been on medications and seeing counselors for years for anxiety and depression. However none of them have mentioned narcissism and I find it humiliating enough to admit I'm a narcissist, I tried once and they didn't believe me. It's only because I've grown to use the sessions as a way of acting humble and getting attention and praise for it. i haven't gotten anywhere, and I can't see myself getting better. I really want to just give up and kill myself. I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point. Narcissism is the reason I feel stressed all the time and always dissatisfied. Everywhere I look it says it's difficult to cure. Is there nothing that would help? What about hypnotism? Would getting a head injury break the pattern?

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