by All My Heart

I was dating a narcissist for 20 months. At first, he put me on a pedestal. He told me how pretty I was, how smart I was, and that he loved me more than anyone else on earth. His exes were all witches. He treated them all bad, because they all had flaws and hurt him. I believed him, and I thought I was so lucky! Two months later, I was told the opposite. I was labeled badly. I was told what i could and could not do, say, wear, and etc. I thought I was at fault. I was so in love I was blinded by his narcissist personality. I received physical and emotional abuse from him. If i did or said something wrong he made me pay for it. The thing was I was a good woman. He would apologize, sometimes. However, it never made it better. It just kept going on. He liked to blame his narcissist on me for the way I behaved or acted, when in reality, it was him who was acting inappropiate. He wanted to marry me, so he tried the best he could to act properly. It never worked. He was verbally abusive most of the time. He would be Mr. Nice when I threatened to end the relationship. I got to where I didn't want to be alone with him. I got to where I didn't care if I saw him, or if we stayed together. I was tired of being down graded and being blamed for nothing. I never lived with this man.

Towards the falling out of our relationship, he traveled around to work. This distance cleared my mind of who he really was. He would call and be angry most of the time. For example, he said he loved me with all his heart. I said, "I love you, too."
He instantly, started an arguement because I didn't say with all my heart. He always insisted that he loved me more than I loved him. He would say I know you love me, or you wouldn't be with me, or put up with me. The whole time Ive been with this man he has given me nothing. All I got was a hard time. I would tell him he didn't care about me, or my feelings. He would say to me, it's always about you and not me. He would say, you're a me, me, me person. There'd be so many times I'd try to reveal my feelings, and he would say what about me, it's always about you. You're a me, me, me person. He showed no true feelings about me. It was about him. He had to always make himself important, and he had to come first, or else. Bottom line, I Love myself with all my heart! I love that man, but it's not my fault that I can't love him with all my heart. He left me no choice, but to break up with him. Do I feel like i'm the Narcissist? In all of my heart I do, but let me state that, I am going to make my heart so strong, and put me, me, me, first, because this man is not going to be in my life anymore.
I don't know who to feel sorry for me and the others who have to go through life this way. I am a me, me, me person and I need love and I do love myself with all my heart. I don't love that narcissist with all my heart. Pray for me, and pray for others, God Bless!

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