One big headache

I have been married for 8 years and my husband was verbally and emotionally abusive throughout. There have been some occasions of violence. We have one child. It took me 8 years to pluck up the confidence and courage to get police and social services involved. I left my permanent job and disappeared from where I was living. I couldn't focus or concentrate on anything. I lost my mind and cried all the time. I came across Narcissist Personality Disorder literature by accident when I started to research Domestic Violence.

I always underestimated how much I had been through. He put me through hell with his comments and threats to kill and injure me. He wanted perfection in everything and I couldn't cope with his mood swings. I did everything he wanted me to do - but it was never good enough.

My point in writing my story is that I have read a lot. I have read nearly everything there is to know about NPD. My husband has this mental disorder without a doubt. I am at the stage in my life where I am trying to work on myself - being assertive and more outspoken. I am working on being confident enough to not let him get to me anymore. My husband has moved out and it's heaven without him - for me and for our child. But because we have a child - I cannot completely disregard him. We have a link. We have to communicate.

I have read all the advice and information about NPD on the internet. I have printed out pages and pages of the stuff to remind myself of who he is. He will never change. I don't want to change him.
I am working on reducing anxiety and fear when I see him. I am really 'on-board' with knowing all about his disorder.

I have confronted him about the 'Power and Control' wheel and he still denies his abusive ways. I know I will go completely insane one day if I continue to 'fight' his disorder in this way. I cannot take the time and energy to understand him anymore as it is pointless. He is only out for himself and what he can gain from any given situation.

I have been to the police and court to get an injunction - but he does not abide by the rules. It's me that needs to put a firm foot down - with police backing.

To all women out there who are confused and hurt - I know what you are going through. My advice is to read and read and read and educate yourself about NPD/abusive men. Only then will you have a slim chance of seeing that you are not being treated right. A normal relationship cannot look like this, where you walk on egg-shells, worry constantly about what his mood will be like when he gets home from work, being called names, put down, made to feel small etc. You know the drill.

Hope this article helps you. Do not stay ignorant. I am in the process of correcting him at every opportunity I can - to show him that I can now 'see through him/his false self'. I have knowledge in my head about his disorder. I cant be fooled anymore. I am a quiet person so this marriage has been a drain for me spiritually. I must get out of my shell otherwise it could be too late!

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