The realisation of being married to a narcissist

It was possibly 2 to 3 years ago that I realised my husband was a narcissist. We will be married 20 years this year! We have 3 great children which I practically reared single handedly as he has his own business and was always at work. I was working outside the home before the children came along but was not earning very much, we never pooled our money together which I thought was odd but kept going. When kids came along I gave up work for nearly 10 years and he would give me money every week for groceries and if I needed other money I would have to ask for it but I was happy enough staying home to mind kids. I went back to work 5 years ago part time which I love but money not great. A few years ago I mentioned that I thought the house was not in my name and he said no it was not u didn't contribute anything to it! It is a fine big house with about 7 acres all in his own name. I know I would have rights in the event of a separation but I was stunned that he could do it in the first place. The reason he said lately that we don't have a joint bank account is that we don't earn the same. I thought that as we were partners and married with 3 children that it would not have mattered. My mother died a few years ago and left me some money and at that stage I had only 1000 euro left in my bank a/c and I needed to pay 4000 euro for braces for my daughter which he refused to pay one penny towards. Now all along he did pay most of the household bills but would always buy the best of cars without consulting me and anything else he wanted money was no object. I once accidentally opened a letter addressed to him and i got such a shock that he had a bank a/c with a 6 figure sum in it. I foolishly told him i opened it he went mad and told me it was not his but belonged to the business which it did not. money has always been a huge problem for us in that he appears to have it but i dont. If I ever did anything wrong that he perceived to be inappropriate I would pay for it with verbal abuse he said he would never hit a woman but the verbal abuse seemed nearly as bad. I have threatened to leave several times but have never been brave enough as he said I came with nothing, contributed nothing, and will leave with nothing! He said when I threatened to leave oh god ill change how have u stuck me for all these years and appears to be so sorry and like the fool that I am I believe him but it does not last very long. It would break my heart to see the kids suffer if we break up but the truth is we could be doing them more damage by staying together. I have told just one friend and one or two family members the situation it's a really difficult situation to be in and I don't know what to do. Having read many articles on narcissism and a lot say that out of 9 traits if the person has at least 5 then they could be a narcissist well he covers all nine with the worst trait being lack of empathy. He does have some charming qualities and is a great musician and is well liked by many but not many know the true him.

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